i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
