He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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