I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
