Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
