Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
