Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
