fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
