I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
