i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
did i walk over a car last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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