U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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