you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
