It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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