Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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