i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
