how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
