That's intense
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
