Cold hands, warm shart.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
