I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
