I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
