I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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