I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
