Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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