So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
