eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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