weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
