party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
