She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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