dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
