you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
