dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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