In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
