Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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