I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
