I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
