so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
