oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
