well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
