Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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