Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i think i just lost a toe
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
