This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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