so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
