He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
