Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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