So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
