the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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