rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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