I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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