I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
