the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
