I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you. Go after that dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
