R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She even gives head with a lisp.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
