He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize