He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your dad touched me again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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