Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
