eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk is a universal language darling
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
