I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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