I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
