KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize