im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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