I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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