It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How naked do you want me to be?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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