Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
