ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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