I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize