i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
