Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize