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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
