You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
