She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
