I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
