Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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