She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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