Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
