I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
