between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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