I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
People in love make me want to vomit
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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