Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize