Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize