So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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