That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
