Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just invented taco cereal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
