woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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