I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
