new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
