I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
