Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize