It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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