new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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