if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When are your genitals available?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
