Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
