but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
