I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
