That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize