I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can Purell be used as lube?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
