They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
