After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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