So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
