What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
