The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
