mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
