My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Holy shit dude........stairs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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