I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize