my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
