dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
