Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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