I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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